Singleness: Köstenberger versus Maken
Although I don't always agree with Andreas Köstenberger on gender-related issues, I appreciate what he has to say about singleness, part 1 and part 2. But I don't appreciate Debbie Maken's response, preaching that for most people it is wrong to remain single.
Unlike either of these two protagonists, but like significant Christian leaders such as John Stott and Mike Pilavachi, leader of the event I just got back from, I am single myself. This is neither from deliberate choice nor from a settled conviction that God has called me to singleness. In fact I rather believe that God has called me to get married at some time. But, from a combination of circumstances and a belief at various times that now was not the right time to look for a partner, this has not yet happened, even though I have now passed 50. A few years ago I was engaged briefly, but it didn't last. More recently I signed up for a short time with Christian Connection, a dating agency, and made a few friends through it but it didn't seem right to pursue anything. I continue to struggle with loneliness, as one of the very few singles anywhere near my age in my church or among my friends. And the attitude of the church is not always helpful. But for the moment I also appreciate the freedom from other responsibilities that gives me time to serve God, and to pursue other interests which are mostly related to God's work. And I continue to trust God to bring the right marriage partner into my life at the right time if that is right, and to continue to provide for me as a single man if that is his better way for me.
posted by Peter Kirk @ 8:23:00 pm
3 comments
3 Comments:
You wrote: In fact I rather believe that God has called me to get married at some time.
I'd like to introduce you to my sister... (just kidding!)
Thanks for writing this post. I appreciate your perspective. As a "husband of not yet one wife" would your church allow you to be an elder? I like the fact that you are positive about where you are but open to trying options like "Christian Connection." That's cool.
Henry,
What a terrific story! I'm sure there was serious adjustment involved as well but your hearty recommendation speaks volumes!
Thanks for the comments, Lingamish and Henry. My attitude hasn't always been so positive, and still fluctuates.
My church has no definite rules to stop singles in any position, but I guess that for some jobs like elder I would be less likely to be selected as a single. But that's not a problem, there are plenty of jobs which I can and do do!
I'm sure I would find adjusting to married life difficult at my age, especially if as quite likely it involved taking on step-kids. That's one thing which is currently making me reluctant to seek a relationship. Is that wrong? If Maken has anything good to say, it is that we shouldn't avoid marriage just for a quiet life. I don't think I would turn down a good opportunity just because I am stuck in a rut, I hope not, but I don't feel the need, or God's call, to search for a way out of the rut just at the moment.
As for Lingamish's sister, I would like to meet her if she is anywhere near me, near London. But if she is in Oregon or somewhere like that, however beautiful it may be, I would not want to pursue anything. I got into an even longer distance relationship, originally by e-mail, a few years ago, and it did not turn out well, so I am reluctant to follow the same path.
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